Kyrsten Sinema’s Diary 3/5/2021

Dear Diary,

It’s your fav #girlboss here again diary! Unfortunately, I didn’t slay as hard as I usually do, and a lot of people are mad at me. All because I voted no on some silly wage bill!

My timing was perfect: I bopped my favorite skirt out just as I was doing the thumbs down. I practiced that move all week. I didn’t even know what the bill was for before I voted and I thought people would understand, but antifeminism strikes again. Ugh!

$15 is nothing anyway, you’d still have to work like a million hours to buy a single designer clutch bag so I don’t understand why my vote made a difference. Even that dickhead astronaut Mark Kelly voted yes, so I can’t even say I was looking out for Arizonians (Arizonans? Arizonitarians?), but I’ll try anyway.

Diary, I can’t lie to you, I only wanted this job so I could be a member of the #SQUAD, but I come to find out they aren’t even IN the Senate and they wouldn’t want me anyway. I’m just out here representing for the Girlbosses and bisexuals, but I’m not getting the recognition I deserve.

Well, if the people want a $15-dollar minimum wage (but seriously why would they?) that’s what I’ll give them. I’m gonna march right down to Mitch McConnell’s office tomorrow and tell him to put it on the docket or I won’t vote the way he says ever again.

My assistants keep knocking on my door and telling me to stop tweeting because I’m “only making it worse” so I guess that’s all from me today. But as the big sticker I put directly on the wall says, “coffee in one hand, confidence in the other.”

Nevertheless I will persisted,

Kirsten Kyrsten

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